this is My Life and i will do with it What I Please.
the day after i get all pyromaniacal on my innards, i find myself nekkid, in the shower, having a little one sided conversation in my head. and the conversation, it dips and weaves all over the place, drunken butterflies of thoughts catching the light and my attention just long enough to touch down before flittering off again, becoming something new. and one of these thoughts momentarily rests on a necessary task i have to complete, something daunting and undeniable that just has to get done, soon and well. and my reaction to that thought? not the typical laundry list of reasons it won’t get done; not the negative self-reflection of why i can’t do it. no – my reaction, this time around, for the first time in years, i think, (if not the first time ever) was
fuck yes. i can totally do this shit.
FUCK YES. I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS SHIT.
what.a.fucking.revelation. what a blessed blessed, empowering and ecstatic self-perception. my god, i just stood there, water sluicing down my body, breathing in deep the reality of a self-perception in which i am bad-ass and capable and loveable and fierce and totally sacred holy gorgeousness. because this, friends? this is the passing of days and moments and truths from within my very own body and soul, and it is The Only One I Get. and i will make it Precisely What I Want.
just fucken watch me.