taking the icy plunge of matrimonial terror…

by shadymama

well.  it’s done.  i’ve proposed.  you can check that one off the ta-doo list

just kidding, mom.

but, the day is fast approaching and i actually, just yesterday, confirmed and sent in the order for The Ring.  i am totally.freaking.out.  and, ya know – sometimes when i share my sweaty, darting, nervous-tic of a panic about the whole getting married thing, people are like “what?  you have a child!  why are you rocking back and forth in the fetal position?  this is no biggie!”  but i beg to differ.

you totally can’t “accidentally” get married.

babies are something the universe throws at you (not unlike a curve ball), that you catch and in catching, you grow and learn and open and all that other deep stuff that becoming a parent does to you.  marriage is something you do to yerself.  like self-trephination.   


ok, but, truly seriously?  i’m also stoked.  this man, this gorgeous.talented.funky man, is who i wanna be around.  who i want to grow old with.


so.  in that spirit, i am making a (long overdue) list of juicy, love struck raindrops, dedicated to my one and only lover.

me. and the lover. finely beer'd.

rain list: the abridged love version

* yer tendency to occasionally appear to be slightly elfin (especially in hats) is irresistible to me.

* the way i will be sitting inside, daydreaming about pizza and beer, and you will be sitting outside, in the hammock, and we will not be talking, and suddenly you will yell in “babe?  what do you think about pizza tonight?”  i love that.

* when you look me in the eye and you see all of me – all.of.me – and you do not turn away.

* sometimes, when i am sad and just need to cry, you will hold me, quietly,  as i wail.  not fixing, not asking, just being with me and my sorrow.

funny people

* yer sharp, yet somehow subtle, wit makes me laugh so hard that sometimes i pee my pants (and you never rat me out). 

* when i was three months pregnant, and we were just friends, both of us homeless, sharing a couch – you put yer head on my belly one night and looked up at me, said “i wonder if i can hear the baby?”  you still come through fer me like that – without even knowing it.

* you are not afraid to let me see you, most of the time.  when you are afraid to let me see you, you let me see you anyway.  yer soul is a very precious thing to see, and i am grateful.

* the relationship you have cultivated with my son is truly beautiful.  he loves you so so much.  you love him so so much.  the two of you together make my heart smile wide.wide.wide.


* you are honest.  you are honest with yerself.  you are honest with me.  you are honest in the way you interact with the world around you, and it is impressive.

me too.

* you know how to build shit, just by looking at it.  you can MacGyver rig anything at any time using just an old wad of chewing gum and a puppy.  you can explain the mechanics of stuff to me easily and patiently.  yer spatial skills are out of this world.

* you don’t hold it against me that i can do none of the above.

* when we are together, time truly shrieks by, catching a ride on some light, because you are the most.fun.person i know.


* the patience and care you put into the creation of a grilled cheese, quesadilla or fried egg sandwich is mindboggling (also tasty) and i wish i was as patient.

* you play a mean slide guitar.

* you are far from perfect, and can admit it.  but you are truly lovely – gorgeous.radiant.funkadelic.light – and i think you will do.