something close to enough…

by shadymama

it’s really hard right now, to be alive and aware in this world.  and it’s really hard to maintain the tricky balance between hope and devastation; between unattainable idealism and paralyzed apathy.  i wrote what is below in a small fit of optimistic anguish, and i wrote what is below that in response to those feelings.  and below that?  just a reminder.

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the ocean is choking on our convenient addiction at the price of a planet breaking, and the world of my own heart is broken.beating out a desperate ess oh ess.  

breathless. 

a species destined for willing disaster, while we roar down asphalt and idle in drive thrus, our collective conscious asphyxiating beneath 

just one more

plastic bag.  and i vacillate in my own mind amongst helpless.hopeful.writhing.despaired, caught and flailing, the tender underbelly of my own flawed humanity so carelessly exposed, and.

i fear

for myself and my child and the “reality” i know, that is ultimately a joke; fragility masquerading as truth, built upon the bones of those

less permitted,

but by far deserving.much.more than the same.old.story sung to the same.tired.tune of the arrogant, entitled, overfed and underthought redwhiteandblue of a country, standing on the edge of a very large abyss named

choice

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i am not useless.  i am not impotent.  i am not without power.  i possess a formidable will and a unique ability.  and though i cannot singlehandedly clean up the gulf oil spill or awaken our country to the connection between food and well-being or stop the exploitation of my brothers and sisters in other corners of the world, i can choose to limit my contribution to the quickly evolving deterioration of ourselves, our souls, our planet. 

i have chosen.

grow a small veggie and herb garden

buy a compost bin from the city

done (and growing) and done.  and now is the time to step up, examine and commit even more fully to nurturing and owning my own small place in this world.  rather than turn away, throw up my hands, lament “but, what can i do?” i will stand tall, breathe deep and declare “this is what i will do.”  and i will hope, quietly,

that it is something close to enough. 

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joyful bear

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